Funny Love Photos Definition
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Formulating a concept of love would seem to be a fool’s errand. Not only must one refute a vast number of scholarly definitions, but much worse, try to overturn the vernacular, commonsense meanings. Might as well stop the wind, or repel the ocean tide. Nevertheless, it may be worth the effort if we are to understand ourselves and our relationships,
I define non-erotic love as having two main components, attachment, on the one hand, and attunement, on the other. Romantic love also has these two components, as well as third, sexual attraction. Attachment is a physical bond, attunement, in the sense of a balanced sense of shared identity and awareness, a psychological and emotional bond. The two together can provide a definition of non-erotic love much less ambiguous than the vernacular ones..
Attachment gives a physical sense of a connection to the other. The most obvious cue to attachment is sadness when the other is absent or lost, and the sense of normality and fulfillment when the other returns. Another, less frequent cue, is the sense of having always known a person whom we have just met. This feeling may be extremely intense when it occurs, but it also may be completely absent.
Feelings of loss are not continuous, but they are much more stable than attunement, which varies from moment to moment. The attachment component accounts for an otherwise puzzling aspect of “love” in its vernacular sense: how one can “love” someone that one doesn’t even like? One is attached, despite one’s negative cognitive/emotional reaction to the other, and despite the other’s behavior, no matter how rejecting. A popular song from the 40’s evokes this kind of “love”:Physical attachment gives the lover a sense of urgency, even desperation. Furthermore, attachment is like imprinting in other creatures; it occurs very early in infancy, and may last a lifetime. It is attachment that makes loss of a love one profoundly and unavoidably painful. After such a loss, one may suffer grief for many months or years. Grief is the price that our bodies exact for lost attachment.
When we lose a loved one, we may be in great pain, off and on, for a long period of time. This process is biologically based on genetic inheritance. It cannot be completely avoided. But it can be very long, months or years, or shorter, depending upon the completeness of mourning. If one does what Freud called “the grief work,” the work of mourning, the amount and duration of pain may be lessened.
However, modern societies have difficulty recognizing the necessity of mourning. Our individualistic ethos maintains that we are all self-contained, not recognizing how dependent we are on others, especially those we are attached to. After a loss, a person who cries for more than a month or so may be told get a grip, or see a psychiatrist, or take a tranquilizer. Such attitudes interfere with mourning, which is always necessary because attachment is genetically based.
However, there is probably a link between the attachment system and the attunement system. Attachment can find new objects based on clear or obscure similarities with an early attachment figure. This process has been described in psychoanalysis, under the name of “transference.”
Transference produces a link between the attachment and the attunement systems. Most people become deeply attached to their country of birth. Patriotic feelings seemed be based in part, on attachment. Since the smell of one’s native land is probably not a primary source of attachment, it may be that it arises from transference of the feelings one has an infant and small child for one’s parents to one’s country. Most citizens more or less blindly admired and obeyed their parents as children, and as adults more or less blindly admire and obey their government.
States of attunement, unlike attachment, vary from moment to moment. There is a dialectic of closeness and distance, reaffirming not only the union, but also the individuality of the lovers. The idea of the love bond as involving both continuous attachment and a balance between self and other solves a critical problem in the meaning of love. The bestseller Women Who Love Too Much (1985) describes continuing relationships with husbands who are abusive of wife or children, or both.
The women profess that they can’t leave these men because they love them too much. Since the word love is used so broadly in vernacular English, this usage is perfectly proper. But these kinds of relationships fail the test in terms of the way love is being defined here, because they lack balance between self and other. The husband is overvalued; the wife undervalues herself and/or the children. The wives are engulfed with their husbands. In these cases, the word love serves as denial of pathological dependency and/or passivity.
In terms of the idea presented here, these wives are at least highly attached to their husbands, and may or may not be also sexually attracted to them. But it is clear that they are not attuned, in the sense of equally representing self and husband in their thinking and feeling. The husband counts too much, the wife too little. If, as proposed here, genuine romantic love involves a combination of attachment, sexual attraction, and equality of mutual identification, a relationship in which the wife is dependent on the husband in this way clearly fails the test.
Combinations of attachment, attraction, and the three levels of attunement result in 24 possible kinds of “love” (see Chapter 6 for a graphic representation). But only four represent LOVE as it is defined here: non-erotic mutual and one-way love, and romantic mutual and one-way love. The other twenty combinations represent affects that are often confused with love. This confusion, as mentioned above, may help to hide the painful separation that is characteristic of our society.
To the extent that the definition of love proposed here is found to be useful, what practical application might it have? One implication concerns the possibility of change in each of the three underlying dimensions. The first two dimensions, attachment and attraction, are largely physical and constant. These two dimensions are more or less given and fixed. But the third parameter, degree of shared identity and awareness, may be open to change through effective communication practices.
One goal of communication between persons in love relationship would be to balance the level of shared identity so that it is roughly equal on both sides, over the long run. That is, although one partner might be valuing the other’s experience more than her own in a particular situation, momentary isolation or engulfment could be managed over the long term so that the experience of each partner, on the average, is equally valued in the relationships. This issue comes up continually, especially in marriage: the dialectic between being two independent persons and being a we: “I-ness” and “We-ness.”
A second issue that is dependent on effective communication is shared awareness. Frequent and effective communication can lead to revealing the self to the other, and understanding the other. This issue is particularly crucial in the area of needs, desires, and emotions. By the time we are adults, most of us have learned to hide our needs, desires, and feelings from others, and to some extent, perhaps, even from ourselves. Long-term love relationships seem to require that these practices be unlearned, so that we become transparent to our partner and to ourselves.
I define non-erotic love as having two main components, attachment, on the one hand, and attunement, on the other. Romantic love also has these two components, as well as third, sexual attraction. Attachment is a physical bond, attunement, in the sense of a balanced sense of shared identity and awareness, a psychological and emotional bond. The two together can provide a definition of non-erotic love much less ambiguous than the vernacular ones..
Attachment gives a physical sense of a connection to the other. The most obvious cue to attachment is sadness when the other is absent or lost, and the sense of normality and fulfillment when the other returns. Another, less frequent cue, is the sense of having always known a person whom we have just met. This feeling may be extremely intense when it occurs, but it also may be completely absent.
Feelings of loss are not continuous, but they are much more stable than attunement, which varies from moment to moment. The attachment component accounts for an otherwise puzzling aspect of “love” in its vernacular sense: how one can “love” someone that one doesn’t even like? One is attached, despite one’s negative cognitive/emotional reaction to the other, and despite the other’s behavior, no matter how rejecting. A popular song from the 40’s evokes this kind of “love”:Physical attachment gives the lover a sense of urgency, even desperation. Furthermore, attachment is like imprinting in other creatures; it occurs very early in infancy, and may last a lifetime. It is attachment that makes loss of a love one profoundly and unavoidably painful. After such a loss, one may suffer grief for many months or years. Grief is the price that our bodies exact for lost attachment.
When we lose a loved one, we may be in great pain, off and on, for a long period of time. This process is biologically based on genetic inheritance. It cannot be completely avoided. But it can be very long, months or years, or shorter, depending upon the completeness of mourning. If one does what Freud called “the grief work,” the work of mourning, the amount and duration of pain may be lessened.
However, modern societies have difficulty recognizing the necessity of mourning. Our individualistic ethos maintains that we are all self-contained, not recognizing how dependent we are on others, especially those we are attached to. After a loss, a person who cries for more than a month or so may be told get a grip, or see a psychiatrist, or take a tranquilizer. Such attitudes interfere with mourning, which is always necessary because attachment is genetically based.
However, there is probably a link between the attachment system and the attunement system. Attachment can find new objects based on clear or obscure similarities with an early attachment figure. This process has been described in psychoanalysis, under the name of “transference.”
Transference produces a link between the attachment and the attunement systems. Most people become deeply attached to their country of birth. Patriotic feelings seemed be based in part, on attachment. Since the smell of one’s native land is probably not a primary source of attachment, it may be that it arises from transference of the feelings one has an infant and small child for one’s parents to one’s country. Most citizens more or less blindly admired and obeyed their parents as children, and as adults more or less blindly admire and obey their government.
States of attunement, unlike attachment, vary from moment to moment. There is a dialectic of closeness and distance, reaffirming not only the union, but also the individuality of the lovers. The idea of the love bond as involving both continuous attachment and a balance between self and other solves a critical problem in the meaning of love. The bestseller Women Who Love Too Much (1985) describes continuing relationships with husbands who are abusive of wife or children, or both.
The women profess that they can’t leave these men because they love them too much. Since the word love is used so broadly in vernacular English, this usage is perfectly proper. But these kinds of relationships fail the test in terms of the way love is being defined here, because they lack balance between self and other. The husband is overvalued; the wife undervalues herself and/or the children. The wives are engulfed with their husbands. In these cases, the word love serves as denial of pathological dependency and/or passivity.
In terms of the idea presented here, these wives are at least highly attached to their husbands, and may or may not be also sexually attracted to them. But it is clear that they are not attuned, in the sense of equally representing self and husband in their thinking and feeling. The husband counts too much, the wife too little. If, as proposed here, genuine romantic love involves a combination of attachment, sexual attraction, and equality of mutual identification, a relationship in which the wife is dependent on the husband in this way clearly fails the test.
Combinations of attachment, attraction, and the three levels of attunement result in 24 possible kinds of “love” (see Chapter 6 for a graphic representation). But only four represent LOVE as it is defined here: non-erotic mutual and one-way love, and romantic mutual and one-way love. The other twenty combinations represent affects that are often confused with love. This confusion, as mentioned above, may help to hide the painful separation that is characteristic of our society.
To the extent that the definition of love proposed here is found to be useful, what practical application might it have? One implication concerns the possibility of change in each of the three underlying dimensions. The first two dimensions, attachment and attraction, are largely physical and constant. These two dimensions are more or less given and fixed. But the third parameter, degree of shared identity and awareness, may be open to change through effective communication practices.
One goal of communication between persons in love relationship would be to balance the level of shared identity so that it is roughly equal on both sides, over the long run. That is, although one partner might be valuing the other’s experience more than her own in a particular situation, momentary isolation or engulfment could be managed over the long term so that the experience of each partner, on the average, is equally valued in the relationships. This issue comes up continually, especially in marriage: the dialectic between being two independent persons and being a we: “I-ness” and “We-ness.”
A second issue that is dependent on effective communication is shared awareness. Frequent and effective communication can lead to revealing the self to the other, and understanding the other. This issue is particularly crucial in the area of needs, desires, and emotions. By the time we are adults, most of us have learned to hide our needs, desires, and feelings from others, and to some extent, perhaps, even from ourselves. Long-term love relationships seem to require that these practices be unlearned, so that we become transparent to our partner and to ourselves.
Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013
Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013
Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013
Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013
Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013
Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013
Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013
Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013
Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013
Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013
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