Tuesday 21 May 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Definition

Source(Google.com.pk)
The idea that we “[live} in the minds of others without knowing it” is profoundly significant for understanding the cognitive component of love. Intersubjectivity is so built into our humanness that it will usually be virtually invisible. It follows that we should expect that not only laypersons but most social scientists avoid explicit consideration of intersubjectivity.
This element is what Stern (1977) has called attunement (mutual understanding). John Dewey proposed that attunement formed the core of communication:
Shared experience is the greatest of human goods. In communication, such conjunction and contact as is characteristic of animals become endearments capable of infinite idealization; they become symbols of the very culmination of nature (Dewey 1925, p.202)
In ordinary language, attunement involves connectedness between people, deep and seemingly effortless understanding, and understanding that one is understood. As already indicated, this idea is hinted at in that part of the dictionary definition about "a sense of oneness."
In order to visualize intersubjectivity, it may be necessary to take this idea a step further than Cooley did, by thinking of it more concretely. How does it actually work in dialogue? One recent suggestion that may be helpful is the idea of “pendulation,” that interacting with others, we swing back and forth between our own point of view, and that of the other (Levine 1997). It is this back and forth movement between subjective and intersubjective consciousness that allows mutual understanding.
The infinite ambiguity of ordinary human language makes intersubjectivity (shared consciousness) a necessity for communication. The signs and gestures used by non-human creatures are virtually without ambiguity. In the world of bees, the smell of bees from outside the nest is clearly different than the smell of one’s own nest: it signals enemy. But humans can easily hide their feelings and intentions under deceitful or ambiguous messages. Even with the best intentions, communications in ordinary language are inherently ambiguous, because all ordinary words are allowed many meanings, depending on the context. Understanding even fairly simple messages requires mutual role-taking (attunement) because the meaning of messages is dependent on the context.
As suggested in Chapter 2, any context can easily change the meaning of any message. To understand the meaning of messages in context, we have all become adroit at pendulation: seeing the message from the point of view of the other as well as our own.
Independently of meanings, winging back and forth between self and other viewpoint also has a great advantage in the realm of emotions. In this process, one is able to access otherwise occluded emotions. One can experience one’s feeling from the point of view of the other, which may be less painful than feeling them as one’s self. The state of balance, which I referred to in an earlier work (1979) as “optimal distance,” suggests how solidarity and love benefit close relationships whether in families or psychotherapy.
Mutual understanding often fails to occur, of course. But if a society is to survive it must occur most of the time. When we find that our friend with whom we made a dinner date shows up at the right time and place, we realize that he was not joking or lying. Driving an automobile safely requires taking the role of other drivers. In making a loan, a bank must usually accurately understand the intention of the customer to repay. In fact, our whole civilization is possible only to the extent that mutual understanding usually occurs.
It may help to understand this process by also considering contexts where mutual understanding breaks down. There is a debating tactic that is sometimes used in conversation such that one or both of the speakers doesn’t actually hear the other person out. In the quarrel mode, this practice takes the form of interrupting the other person mid-sentence. But there is also a more subtle mode, where one party listens to only the beginning of the other’s comments. Instead of continuing to listen until the other is finished, the “listener” instead begins to construct his own retort, based only on the first few sentences that the other has uttered. This practice is difficult to detect, and has probably never been studied empirically. But it represents one source for the breakdown of pendulation, and therefore of mutual understanding.
Certain types of personality also tend toward lack of mutual understanding. Narcissism,  for example, is a tendency to see the world only from one’s own viewpoint. This idea is played out in detail in the film As Good as it Gets. The character played by Jack Nicholson falls far the character played by Helen Hunt. But he has great difficulty in relating to her because he must struggle to get outside his own point of view. The last scene, in particular, portrays the agony he suffers in trying to take her point of view as well as his own.
There may also be a personality type with the opposite difficulty, balancing one’s own point of view against the others. Perhaps there is a passive or dependent personality type who penchant is to stay in the other person’s viewpoint, rather than balancing it against one’s own. I have known professional actors and politicians who had no secure bond because they seemed not to have a point of view of their own.
A relationship may be relatively stable when the personality styles of the two persons are opposite. A person with a narcissistic or isolated style might fit with a person with a dependent or engulfed style. The first person would expect the second to take his point of view, and the second person would expect the other person not to. But in As Good as it Gets, the Helen Hunt character would not put up with the male character’s lack of empathy: she clearly showed that he would have to change his ways. Undoubtedly there are many other sources of lack of mutual understanding that require investigation.
In struggling to define what is meant by a sexual perversion, the philosopher Thomas Nagel (1978) came very near to defining genuine sexual congress in terms of attunement [2]. Although he doesn’t use that term, or any of the others I have used, such as intersubjectivity, his description of genuineness in terms of each knowing that the other knows they desire and are desired certainly implies it:
These [sexual] reactions are perceived, and the perception of them is perceived; at each step the domination of the person by his body  (‘s arousal} is reinforced, and the sexual partner becomes more possessible by physical contact, penetration, and envelopment. (p. 48).
In another passage, he invokes the idea of unity and oneness. He goes on to propose that sex between two persons is perverse if it lacks this kind of self and mutual awareness. He points out that this definition inevitably broadens the definition of perversion; ordinarily one doesn’t consider it perverse if one or both of the partners is imagining being with someone else other than the person they are having sex with. The idea of attunement is closely linked to a theory of social solidarity,  to be discussed next.
Solidarity and Alienation
In the framework proposed here, the non-genetic component of love would be one type of solidarity, a secure bond (Bowlby 1969), involving shared awareness between lovers. As Solomon has suggested, the love bond also means sharing of identity.
There are many passages in literature that imply the idea of shared identity between lovers. Here is an example from Wuthering Heights, in which Kathy, the heroine, exclaims that she IS her lover:
I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is or should be an existence of yours beyond you.  What were the use of my creation, if I were entirely contained here?  My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself.  If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it.... Love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary.  Nelly, I AM Heathcliff!  He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.
However, the passage “He's always, always in my mind” suggests a lack of balance, at least on the heroine’s part. Rather than loving Heathcliff, from the point of view of the definition offered here, she seems to be engulfed and obsessed with him
The amount of sharing of identity is crucial for a secure bond. Each lover needs to treat the other as of equal value as self, neither more nor less. The idea of equality of valuing self and other equally means that the loving person can see both persons' needs objectively, without overvaluing self or other. This idea is represented in the airline instructions that the parent place the oxygen mask first on her/his face first, not on the dependent child.
The idea of love involving equality of self and other has been touched on by many earlier discussions. Sullivan (1945, p. 20) states the idea exactly: “When the satisfaction or the security of the other person becomes as significant to one as is one’s own satisfaction or security, then the state of love exists.” Note that he doesn’t say that the other is more significant, only as significant. But like most of the other discussions of this point, Sullivan doesn’t dwell upon it or provide examples. It is mentioned  casually, and in passing.
This idea can be linked to the more general framework of social integration (alienation/solidarity). True love involves being neither dependent (engulfed) nor independent (isolated), but interdependent, to use Elias’s terms (1972). It is particularly important to distinguish between a secure and an engulfed bond, since most social science confounds these two types.
In an engulfed bond, one or both partners give up basic aspects of self in order to be loyal to the other. In a traditional marriage, for example, the wife often suppressed anger and resentment to the point that it seemed to disappear, in order to be loyal to her husband. Perhaps this is the major source of emotional estrangement in long-term relationships.
Those who are infatuated or heartbroken with “love” do not have a secure bond. In cases of infatuation at a distance, the contact that is necessary for the development of attunement is missing; there goes “love at first sight.”  Even where there is contact, the infatuated or heartbroken one may be so self-absorbed (isolated) or engulfed to the point that attunement cannot occur.

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Her Photos Pictures Pics Images2013

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