Wednesday 29 May 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Definition

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love remains in the atom as the elemental dynamic force, flux, medium, ether or energy that binds together and governs the functioning of every electron, proton, neutrino, quark and yet-to-be-found subatomic microparticle and of every movement of the macrocosmic physical universe. In short, love is reality.This quadruplex definition obviously moves love a quantum leap beyond the romance-, emotion-, biological and relationship-centered ways in which it has been typically defined. Yet, it refutes no one. Love is all the things that all the theorists, all the scientists, all the poets, all that thousands of other writers have said it is. It is just more -- far, far more.
So does this definition of love satisfy that task of describing the whole elephant, the entire empire, or on the contrary, does this four-dimensional definition, sweeping as it obviously is, still capture only a few facets of love, something less than the entire diamond? It has taken me forty years to write that definition.
During my many years of helping couples, both in pre-marital and marital counseling, there is one theory of “love” I’ve use over and over again to help everyone in the room learn to speak the same language about this ultimately important, yet incredibly confusing word.  This theory, called the “Triangle Theory of Love,” was developed by Dr. Robert Sternberg, a Psychologist at Tufts University.
In a nutshell, the Triangular Theory of Love defines “love” as being composed of 3 qualities, passion, intimacy, and commitment.  These 3 components can be defined as follows:The friendship or specialness of the relationship.  The feelings of closeness, bondedness, connectedness, trust, and friendship in the relationship.The excitement or energy of the relationship.  The feelings of physical attraction, romance, and arousal (particularly sexual arousal) in the relationship.The “business aspect” of the relationship.  This includes all the shared investments, or the “history,” of the relationship, such as decisions, experiences, and adjustments.Passion tends to develop very quickly in relationships, followed by a gradual deterioration over time.  Intimacy tends to increase somewhat quickly at first, then tapers off, growing more slowly for a time before finally leveling off.  Commitment always starts at ground zero and increases over time for the duration of the relationship.As can be seen in the picture at the beginning of this article, these 3 components of love can be viewed as comprising the 3 sides of a triangle, with Commitment as the base, and Passion and Intimacy comprising the upper 2 sides.  Depending on how much of each of these 3 components is present, a triangle can either be very small or very large.  Also, although the picture of the triangle shown above depicts love as an equilateral triangle, it is seldom seen in this form.  Depending on how much of each of the components is present, the sides of the triangle are often unequal.  For example, in a brand new relationship, Passion is likely to be the longest side of the triangle while the Intimacy and Commitment sides are likely to be substantially shorter, thus creating an isosceles triangle.
As described above, the 3 sides of the triangle are shortened or lengthened according to the amount of each component present in the relationship. Biologically, love is a powerful neurological condition like hunger or thirst, only more permanent. We talk about love being blind or unconditional, in the sense that we have no control over it. But then, that is not so surprising since love is basically chemistry. While lust is a temporary passionate sexual desire involving the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and oestrogen, in true love, or attachment and bonding, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals: pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. However, from an evolutionary perspective, love can be viewed as a survival tool – a mechanism we have evolved to promote long-term relationships, mutual defence and parental support of children and to promote feelings of safety and security.
Since love has been the topic of countless articles, books, discussions, and sleepless nights, I might as well explain how I got interested. I have long been addicted to popular songs, especially love songs. They play in my head, usually uninvited, and often at odd hours. Some of them show up from out of a dim past, so I am frequently searching for lyrics to fill gaps in my memory.
Several years ago in the course of looking for a lyric, perhaps the one quoted above, I happened upon an extraordinary website called Lyrics World (now defunct). What was unusual about this site was that it contained the Top Forty popular songs for the last 70 years (1930-2000), over ten thousand lyrics. As I began to read lyrics of love songs at random, it seemed to me that the majority of them fell into only three patterns: infatuation, requited love, and heartbreak. There were also romance lyrics which didn’t fit, but in any given year, they were never in the majority.
The study I later did (Chapter 5) confirmed: about a quarter of all pop songs in the Top 40, year after year, are about heartbreak, about a tenth, about infatuation, and about a tenth, about requited love. Another fourth involves miscellaneous kinds of romance, and a little more than a fourth are not about love or romance. 

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Qoutes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Tuesday 28 May 2013

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Kids Definition

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During my many years of helping couples, both in pre-marital and marital counseling, there is one theory of “love” I’ve use over and over again to help everyone in the room learn to speak the same language about this ultimately important, yet incredibly confusing word.  This theory, called the “Triangle Theory of Love,” was developed by Dr. Robert Sternberg, a Psychologist at Tufts University.
In a nutshell, the Triangular Theory of Love defines “love” as being composed of 3 qualities, passion, intimacy, and commitment.  These 3 components can be defined as follows:The friendship or specialness of the relationship.  The feelings of closeness, bondedness, connectedness, trust, and friendship in the relationship.The excitement or energy of the relationship.  The feelings of physical attraction, romance, and arousal (particularly sexual arousal) in the relationship.The “business aspect” of the relationship.  This includes all the shared investments, or the “history,” of the relationship, such as decisions, experiences, and adjustments.Passion tends to develop very quickly in relationships, followed by a gradual deterioration over time.  Intimacy tends to increase somewhat quickly at first, then tapers off, growing more slowly for a time before finally leveling off.  Commitment always starts at ground zero and increases over time for the duration of the relationship.As can be seen in the picture at the beginning of this article, these 3 components of love can be viewed as comprising the 3 sides of a triangle, with Commitment as the base, and Passion and Intimacy comprising the upper 2 sides.  Depending on how much of each of these 3 components is present, a triangle can either be very small or very large.  Also, although the picture of the triangle shown above depicts love as an equilateral triangle, it is seldom seen in this form.  Depending on how much of each of the components is present, the sides of the triangle are often unequal.  For example, in a brand new relationship, Passion is likely to be the longest side of the triangle while the Intimacy and Commitment sides are likely to be substantially shorter, thus creating an isosceles triangle.
As described above, the 3 sides of the triangle are shortened or lengthened according to the amount of each component present in the relationship. Biologically, love is a powerful neurological condition like hunger or thirst, only more permanent. We talk about love being blind or unconditional, in the sense that we have no control over it. But then, that is not so surprising since love is basically chemistry. While lust is a temporary passionate sexual desire involving the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and oestrogen, in true love, or attachment and bonding, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals: pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. However, from an evolutionary perspective, love can be viewed as a survival tool – a mechanism we have evolved to promote long-term relationships, mutual defence and parental support of children and to promote feelings of safety and security.
Since love has been the topic of countless articles, books, discussions, and sleepless nights, I might as well explain how I got interested. I have long been addicted to popular songs, especially love songs. They play in my head, usually uninvited, and often at odd hours. Some of them show up from out of a dim past, so I am frequently searching for lyrics to fill gaps in my memory.
Several years ago in the course of looking for a lyric, perhaps the one quoted above, I happened upon an extraordinary website called Lyrics World (now defunct). What was unusual about this site was that it contained the Top Forty popular songs for the last 70 years (1930-2000), over ten thousand lyrics. As I began to read lyrics of love songs at random, it seemed to me that the majority of them fell into only three patterns: infatuation, requited love, and heartbreak. There were also romance lyrics which didn’t fit, but in any given year, they were never in the majority.
The study I later did (Chapter 5) confirmed: about a quarter of all pop songs in the Top 40, year after year, are about heartbreak, about a tenth, about infatuation, and about a tenth, about requited love. Another fourth involves miscellaneous kinds of romance, and a little more than a fourth are not about love or romance.
But in reading these lyrics, a new question arose. It seemed to me that none of these three forms, often not even requited love, suggested genuine love. However, in order to state this idea with confidence, I would have to find out, at least to my own satisfaction, what I mean by genuine love. At least in English, the one word covers so many different things as to be almost meaningless. Of all the emotion words, I think that love may be the broadest and the most vague and pliable. The pliability of this word results in many problems, both in scholarship and in real life.
For this reason I propose a concept of love that is bio-social-psychological: genuine love, in its non-erotic form, has a physical basis in attachment, and a social psychological basis in attunement (shared awareness and identity).  Romantic love involves a second physical basis: (sexual) attraction. Each of these forms in itself can involve very intense feelings. Combinations of two or three forms can lead to overwhelming feelings. Non-erotic love is intense because it conjoins attachment emotions and genuine pride. The added experience of sexual desire in erotic love means a powerful confluence of three feelings, each intense alone.
These three affects and their various combinations form different types of what is called “love.” According to the new definition, only four of these are genuine love; mutual and one-way non-erotic love, and mutual and one-way erotic love. The other single affects and their combinations are look-alikes that would be better understood as different kinds of psuedo-love. One of the central themes of this book is the many kinds of psuedo-love may function to cover up the intense pain of separation in modern societies. This seems to be a new idea; I know of no earlier formulation of this proposal.
I begin with vernacular meanings of love. If love is defined so broadly in modern societies as to be virtually meaningless, how can we rescue its meaning? This book seeks a conceptual definition, one that ultimately might be helpful not only in scholarly research, but also in real life.
Investigating the emotional/relational world is a deeply subversive activity. As the study proceeds, it should be clear that it challenges many of the assumptions that are taken for granted in everyday life.

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

 

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Poems For Kids Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Monday 27 May 2013

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Gif Definition

Source(Google.com.pk)
the love theory general definition of love:Part One -- Theologically, Love is God (and vice versa).Part Two -- Metaphysically, love is a movement of the will toward that which is perceived as good. 20Part Three -- Psychologically, love is simultaneously the fundamental drive and goal of human life, the push and pull of every human act, the raw force from which is derived and toward which is aimed, all emotion, all thought, all volition (will), and all behavior.
Part Four -- Materially, physically, love is the fundamental "spiritual substance" from which the atom, the building block of all material reality, was created; as such, love remains in the atom as the elemental dynamic force, flux, medium, ether or energy that binds together and governs the functioning of every electron, proton, neutrino, quark and yet-to-be-found subatomic microparticle and of every movement of the macrocosmic physical universe. In short, love is reality.This quadruplex definition obviously moves love a quantum leap beyond the romance-, emotion-, biological and relationship-centered ways in which it has been typically defined. Yet, it refutes no one. Love is all the things that all the theorists, all the scientists, all the poets, all that thousands of other writers have said it is. It is just more -- far, far more.
So does this definition of love satisfy that task of describing the whole elephant, the entire empire, or on the contrary, does this four-dimensional definition, sweeping as it obviously is, still capture only a few facets of love, something less than the entire diamond? It has taken me forty years to write that definition.
During my many years of helping couples, both in pre-marital and marital counseling, there is one theory of “love” I’ve use over and over again to help everyone in the room learn to speak the same language about this ultimately important, yet incredibly confusing word.  This theory, called the “Triangle Theory of Love,” was developed by Dr. Robert Sternberg, a Psychologist at Tufts University.
In a nutshell, the Triangular Theory of Love defines “love” as being composed of 3 qualities, passion, intimacy, and commitment.  These 3 components can be defined as follows:The friendship or specialness of the relationship.  The feelings of closeness, bondedness, connectedness, trust, and friendship in the relationship.The excitement or energy of the relationship.  The feelings of physical attraction, romance, and arousal (particularly sexual arousal) in the relationship.The “business aspect” of the relationship.  This includes all the shared investments, or the “history,” of the relationship, such as decisions, experiences, and adjustments.Passion tends to develop very quickly in relationships, followed by a gradual deterioration over time.  Intimacy tends to increase somewhat quickly at first, then tapers off, growing more slowly for a time before finally leveling off.  Commitment always starts at ground zero and increases over time for the duration of the relationship.As can be seen in the picture at the beginning of this article, these 3 components of love can be viewed as comprising the 3 sides of a triangle, with Commitment as the base, and Passion and Intimacy comprising the upper 2 sides.  Depending on how much of each of these 3 components is present, a triangle can either be very small or very large.  Also, although the picture of the triangle shown above depicts love as an equilateral triangle, it is seldom seen in this form.  Depending on how much of each of the components is present, the sides of the triangle are often unequal.  For example, in a brand new relationship, Passion is likely to be the longest side of the triangle while the Intimacy and Commitment sides are likely to be substantially shorter, thus creating an isosceles triangle.
As described above, the 3 sides of the triangle are shortened or lengthened according to the amount of each component present in the relationship. Biologically, love is a powerful neurological condition like hunger or thirst, only more permanent. We talk about love being blind or unconditional, in the sense that we have no control over it. But then, that is not so surprising since love is basically chemistry. While lust is a temporary passionate sexual desire involving the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and oestrogen, in true love, or attachment and bonding, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals: pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. However, from an evolutionary perspective, love can be viewed as a survival tool – a mechanism we have evolved to promote long-term relationships, mutual defence and parental support of children and to promote feelings of safety and security.
Since love has been the topic of countless articles, books, discussions, and sleepless nights, I might as well explain how I got interested. I have long been addicted to popular songs, especially love songs. They play in my head, usually uninvited, and often at odd hours.

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Gif Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Saturday 25 May 2013

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Photos Definition

Source(Google.com.pk)
Formulating a concept of love would seem to be a fool’s errand. Not only must one refute a vast number of scholarly definitions, but much worse, try to overturn the vernacular, commonsense meanings. Might as well stop the wind, or repel the ocean tide. Nevertheless, it may be worth the effort if we are to understand ourselves and our relationships,
I define non-erotic love as having two main components, attachment, on the one hand, and attunement, on the other. Romantic love also has these two components, as well as third, sexual attraction. Attachment is a physical bond, attunement, in the sense of a balanced sense of shared identity and awareness, a psychological and emotional bond. The two together can provide a definition of non-erotic love much less ambiguous than the vernacular ones..
Attachment gives a physical sense of a connection to the other. The most obvious cue to attachment is sadness when the other is absent or lost, and the sense of normality and fulfillment when the other returns. Another, less frequent cue, is the sense of having always known a person whom we have just met. This feeling may be extremely intense when it occurs, but it also may be completely absent.
Feelings of loss are not continuous, but they are much more stable than attunement, which varies from moment to moment.  The attachment component accounts for an otherwise puzzling aspect of  “love” in its vernacular sense: how one can “love” someone that one doesn’t even like? One is attached, despite one’s negative cognitive/emotional reaction to the other, and despite the other’s behavior, no matter how rejecting. A popular song from the 40’s evokes this kind of “love”:Physical attachment gives the lover a sense of urgency, even desperation. Furthermore, attachment is like imprinting in other creatures; it occurs very early in infancy, and may last a lifetime. It is attachment that makes loss of a love one profoundly and unavoidably painful. After such a loss, one may suffer grief for many months or years. Grief is the price that our bodies exact for lost attachment.
When we lose a loved one, we may be in great pain, off and on, for a long period of time. This process is biologically based on genetic inheritance. It cannot be completely avoided. But it can be very long, months or years, or shorter, depending upon the completeness of mourning. If one does what Freud called “the grief work,” the work of mourning, the amount and duration of pain may be lessened.
However, modern societies have difficulty recognizing the necessity of mourning. Our individualistic ethos maintains that we are all self-contained, not recognizing how dependent we are on others, especially those we are attached to. After a loss, a person who cries for more than a month or so may be told get a grip, or see a psychiatrist, or take a tranquilizer. Such attitudes interfere with mourning, which is always necessary because attachment is genetically based.
However, there is probably a link between the attachment system and the attunement system. Attachment can find new objects based on clear or obscure similarities with an early attachment figure. This process has been described in psychoanalysis, under the name of “transference.”
Transference produces a link between the attachment and the attunement systems. Most people become deeply attached to their country of birth. Patriotic feelings seemed be based in part, on attachment. Since the smell of one’s native land is probably not a primary source of attachment, it may be that it arises from transference of the feelings one has an infant and small child for one’s parents to one’s country. Most citizens more or less blindly admired and obeyed their parents as children, and as adults more or less blindly admire and obey their government.
States of attunement, unlike attachment, vary from moment to moment. There is a dialectic of closeness and distance, reaffirming not only the union, but also the individuality of the lovers. The idea of the love bond as involving both continuous attachment and a balance between self and other solves a critical problem in the meaning of love. The bestseller Women Who Love Too Much (1985) describes continuing relationships with husbands who are abusive of wife or children, or both.
The women profess that they can’t leave these men because they love them too much. Since the word love is used so broadly in vernacular English, this usage is perfectly proper. But these kinds of relationships fail the test in terms of the way love is being defined here, because they lack balance between self and other. The husband is overvalued; the wife undervalues herself and/or the children. The wives are engulfed with their husbands. In these cases, the word love serves as denial of pathological dependency and/or passivity.
In terms of the idea presented here, these wives are at least highly attached to their husbands, and may or may not be also sexually attracted to them. But it is clear that they are not attuned, in the sense of equally representing self and husband in their thinking and feeling. The husband counts too much, the wife too little. If, as proposed here, genuine romantic love involves a combination of attachment, sexual attraction, and equality of mutual identification, a relationship in which the wife is dependent on the husband in this way clearly fails the test.
Combinations of attachment, attraction, and the three levels of attunement result in 24 possible kinds of “love” (see Chapter 6 for a graphic representation). But only four represent LOVE as it is defined here: non-erotic mutual and one-way love, and romantic mutual and one-way love. The other twenty combinations represent affects that are often confused with love. This confusion, as mentioned above, may help to hide the painful separation that is characteristic of our society.
To the extent that the definition of love proposed here is found to be useful, what practical application might it have? One implication concerns the possibility of change in each of the three underlying dimensions. The first two dimensions, attachment and attraction, are largely physical and constant. These two dimensions are more or less given and fixed. But the third parameter, degree of shared identity and awareness, may be open to change through effective communication practices.
One goal of communication between persons in love relationship would be to balance the level of shared identity so that it is roughly equal on both sides, over the long run. That is, although one partner might be valuing the other’s experience more than her own in a particular situation, momentary isolation or engulfment could be managed over the long term so that the experience of each partner, on the average, is equally valued in the relationships. This issue comes up continually, especially in marriage: the dialectic between being two independent persons and being a we: “I-ness” and “We-ness.”
A second issue that is dependent on effective communication is shared awareness. Frequent and effective communication can lead to revealing the self to the other, and understanding the other. This issue is particularly crucial in the area of needs, desires, and emotions. By the time we are adults, most of us have learned to hide our needs, desires, and feelings from others, and to some extent, perhaps, even from ourselves. Long-term love relationships seem to require that these practices be unlearned, so that we become transparent to our partner and to ourselves.

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Funny Love Photos Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Definition

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I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is or should be an existence of yours beyond you.  What were the use of my creation, if I were entirely contained here?  My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself.  If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it.... Love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary.  Nelly, I AM Heathcliff!  He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.
However, the passage “He's always, always in my mind” suggests a lack of balance, at least on the heroine’s part. Rather than loving Heathcliff, from the point of view of the definition offered here, she seems to be engulfed and obsessed with him
The amount of sharing of identity is crucial for a secure bond. Each lover needs to treat the other as of equal value as self, neither more nor less. The idea of equality of valuing self and other equally means that the loving person can see both persons' needs objectively, without overvaluing self or other. This idea is represented in the airline instructions that the parent place the oxygen mask first on her/his face first, not on the dependent child.
The idea of love involving equality of self and other has been touched on by many earlier discussions. Sullivan (1945, p. 20) states the idea exactly: “When the satisfaction or the security of the other person becomes as significant to one as is one’s own satisfaction or security, then the state of love exists.” Note that he doesn’t say that the other is more significant, only as significant. But like most of the other discussions of this point, Sullivan doesn’t dwell upon it or provide examples. It is mentioned  casually, and in passing.
This idea can be linked to the more general framework of social integration (alienation/solidarity). True love involves being neither dependent (engulfed) nor independent (isolated), but interdependent, to use Elias’s terms (1972). It is particularly important to distinguish between a secure and an engulfed bond, since most social science confounds these two types.
In an engulfed bond, one or both partners give up basic aspects of self in order to be loyal to the other. In a traditional marriage, for example, the wife often suppressed anger and resentment to the point that it seemed to disappear, in order to be loyal to her husband. Perhaps this is the major source of emotional estrangement in long-term relationships.
Those who are infatuated or heartbroken with “love” do not have a secure bond. In cases of infatuation at a distance, the contact that is necessary for the development of attunement is missing; there goes “love at first sight.”  Even where there is contact, the infatuated or heartbroken one may be so self-absorbed (isolated) or engulfed to the point that attunement cannot occur. As will be considered in the next chapter, these two states are consistently presented in popular song lyrics as if they were genuine love.
Solidarity and alienation are usually discussed as if they were macro phenomena, occurring only in large groups or even whole societies. But these concepts are also useful at the level of interpersonal relations, both over long spans of time and also moment by moment.
Love is usually thought of as long term, involving commitment to the relationship. But love can also be seen as occurring or not, moment by moment. In fact, the moment by moment occurrence of love and other emotions may point toward an important issue in defining attunement in genuine love.
Marshall Rosenberg (1999), defining what he calls “non-violent communication,” has suggested that in close relationships, maintaining empathic connectedness (what I have been referring to as attunement) must be treated as more important than any particular topic being discussed. This idea seems to go to the very heart of genuine love, since it brings up the issue of impediments to love and resulting lapses.
In Rosenberg’s workshops, this question often arises in parent-child relationships, when a mother or father complains about a child’s behavior. For example, a mother may repeat dialogue between her and her son about getting his homework done before watching TV or playing electronic games.  Rosenberg begins by explaining that the child has a need for autonomy, for being his own persons, as well as a need for remaining connected with the parent.
This idea seems to be lost on the parent. She will ask: “So how do I get him to do the homework?” The parent seems to have the idea that what is involved is a test of wills, and that the way to go is to have a stronger will than the child. Rosenberg then goes on to explain that the parent needs to show that empathic connectedness is more important to her than getting the homework done. That is, that she respects the child’s need for autonomy.
In terms of love, Rosenberg’s idea seems to be that in genuine love, the lovers show that maintaining attunement is usually more important than anything else. That is, nothing outside of the relationship (work, children, household tasks, and so on) is more important than the relationship itself.
One implication is that any kind of ultimatum, no matter how subtle, violates the love contract. One of the ways this issue comes up is in discussions of commitment between men and women. Because of differences in upbringing, often it is the woman in a relationship who confronts the man about his commitment. Typically, both sides behave badly in this confrontation. Here is a dialogue between students in one my classes that illustrates the problem.
Confronted by Janey, Charlie appears to feel cornered. It doesn’t matter whether he actually doesn’t know, or if he is just stalling. He has disconnected. Whatever love the two have for each other is not happening in this particular episode, because there is no attunement.
idea of attunement also may help to understand the intensity of the feeling of love. Balanced attunement is a way of describing a secure bond; the corresponding emotion is genuine (authentic) pride. Just as shame/embarrassment are the emotions of lack of attunement, so pride is generated by attunement (Chapter 3). Even for non-erotic love, the conjunction of feelings of attachment and genuine pride, the absence of sadness and shame, presumably can give rise to powerful sensations of wellbeing. In erotic love, when further conjoined with sexual arousal, these three different rivers of sensation may be the most intense pleasurable experience of which humans are capable.
To understand the emotional components of love, it is necessary to consider both the presence and the absence of emotions. First consider the emotions connected with attachment and separation. Sadness (grief) is the crucial indicator of attachment: we miss the loved one when she or he is away, and we are struck down with grief at their loss. But what is the motion connected with the presence of the loved one? Joy is too strong a word for this feeling. I suppose one might say that rather than feeling a particular feeling, one merely feels normal, or the absence of pain.
But the situation maybe a bit more complex than it seems. Suppose that in modern industrial/urban societies, one experiences a sense of separation from others early on in childhood. There is such intense pressure for individuation and individual achievement and recognition that we are practically forced to separate ourselves from others. Not just our parents, but from all others, even, to some extent, from those closest to us.
Supposing, for the sake of discussion, that modern societies give rise to this kind of extreme separation in virtually every one, what would be the consequences? There are two that I think are relevant to understanding the emotion of love. First, we all learn to defend against feelings of loneliness and isolation. That is to say, we learn to suppress and/or ignore these painful feelings. Secondly, however, this kind of maneuver is usually only partially successful. Most of us go through most of our life bearing at least a hint of sadness as background to our activities.
But genuine love silences this background noise, at least temporarily. When one is connected with the loved one, one feels normal in the sense of sadness being absent. The attachment emotion may be the absence of sadness, as if a heavy weight has been lifted.
The same reasoning applies to the presence of pride that accompanies the shared identity and awareness during moments of genuine love. The feeling of authentic pride that is registered is not only that of the emotion itself, but also, and probably much more intensely, the absence of the background noise of humiliation, shame and embarrassment.
Not only sadness, but shame and embarrassment, real or anticipated, are a continuing presence in the life of denizens of modern societies. Goffman’s first and best known book, Presentation of Self in Everyday Life (1959) made this point in many different ways. His Everyperson is constantly aware of her or his standing the eyes of the others, but helpless to do anything about it, and is usually anticipating, or often, actually experiencing shame or embarrassment. Perhaps the most powerful feelings connected with love concern not only the presence of pleasurable emotions, but the absence of painful ones.Formulating a concept of love would seem to be a fool’s errand. Not only must one refute a vast number of scholarly definitions, but much worse, try to overturn the vernacular, commonsense meanings. Might as well stop the wind, or repel the ocean tide. Nevertheless, it may be worth the effort if we are to understand ourselves and our relationships,
I define non-erotic love as having two main components, attachment, on the one hand, and attunement, on the other. Romantic love also has these two components, as well as third, sexual attraction. Attachment is a physical bond, attunement, in the sense of a balanced sense of shared identity and awareness, a psychological and emotional bond. The two together can provide a definition of non-erotic love much less ambiguous than the vernacular ones..
Attachment gives a physical sense of a connection to the other.

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013

Famous Funny Love Quotes Photos Pictures Pics Images 2013